How to Soften Butter, aka How to Make Spontaneous Cookies

Yes, yes, I know that if I want to make cookies, cakes, and lots of other baked goods involving sticks of butter, the butter must be at room temperature, or else some sort of disaster will ensue.

But, what if:
a. you spontaneously decide you want to make cinnamon chocolate chip cookies
b. it is night time, i.e. you won't be up at 3 a.m. when the butter is finally at room temperature
c. you have no microwave?

Surely, butter would not be cruel enough to deprive of something as simple and wonderful as a cookie.

Enter: the best technique ever for softening butter when you are in the above situation.

Step one: Get out your cold butter, and put it between two pieces of parchment.
Step two: Grab your rolling pin.
Step three: Whack/roll it until it is about 1/4 inch thick.
Step four: Celebrate the fact that you now have softened butter(see it holds the indentation of my finger tips). Cookie making can ensue!
Step five: Enjoy those spontaneous cookies!